So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
