Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
