She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
