How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
