So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
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I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
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Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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