if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
should my penis look like a turkey
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
