The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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