all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
