oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
