you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
