y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
