I CAN MOONWALK!
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
