If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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