it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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