I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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