I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I can't turn off my feet"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
