Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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