Are we in a gay sports bar?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
