man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
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After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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