You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
