I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
