my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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