they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
porn star boner night. come get it.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
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