Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
