Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
