I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
