i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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