Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
