Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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