I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
