Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
