when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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