if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Sober January is a disaster.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
