sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
