You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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