I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
