Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
