everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He shit in the fireplace
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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