I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
