I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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