he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
