I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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