her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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