do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
