Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
