This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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