hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
