Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Randomize
