You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
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I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
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I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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