I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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