Will you blow on my dice?
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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