I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
