Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
