Your face is a jimmy john
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
vagina is talking i cant
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Randomize
