cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
