I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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