Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
