Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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