i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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