ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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