Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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