she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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