what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
