I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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