So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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