In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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