I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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