he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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