i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
