You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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