My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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