imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
