therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
