so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My ass is underappreciated
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
