Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
