So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Rumble strips road head = magical
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
