Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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