When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I supernannyed him into submission
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
