ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
