did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
