apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
