so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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