i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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